I suppose the big question would be, where have I been all this time? Where have I been doing all these months? Did I just drop dead, or did I actually have mountains of paperwork. The explanation could be so complex, and so whimsical, but in short, it was three things: University, Everyday life, and Workaholicism. After I disappeared from dA, I was caught up in a wave of assignments, exams, essays and the like, and while the first semester did indeed end weeks after my last journal, and while I actually had holidays, I was mentally burnt out.

I had neither creativity, nor did I have the inspiration for poetry or prose, and so I spent my holiday recovering and preparing for the next semester. And thus, I was just caught up in it all; I had a rather large amount of weekly reading and weekly exercises to take care of, as well as renewed workloads, of papers, analyses, and translations. The second semester was heavy, but I enjoyed it; and I suppose that leads me to where I am now, after having rested several months after the final exams, and taken a long-deserved break, I am in front of a computer screen writing this conflicted account of months of absence. In case your wondering, and as I would make it seem to be that I had two rather nasty semesters result-wise, the reality is quite the opposite; Four high distinctions (Japanese 2 Specialist A & B, Contemporary Issues in Education, and Contemporary Japan: Culture and Identities), one Distinction (Icons of Decadence: Victorian Literature 1880 - 1912) and one very high credit (Haunted Histories: Australian and South African History).

However, amongst the high workloads, the stress of work, and the issues of modern life, I oddly found different ways of venting during those sleepless nights; since my departure, I've opted to listening to more music, or reading more during these periods. While this could be called a maturation of sorts, in reality I just haven't had the mental energy to be creative. I've had the energy to be inquisitive, insightful, deeply reflective and wise, but not to be creative. Instead of being whimsical, I wiled away my hours pondering the issues of an issue-riddled education system, of the meaning behind the writings of writers long dead, of furthering my skills in a foreign language that has very much become part of myself in the last year or so, and above all, objectively and subjectively analysing the modern social malaise of that very country I was versed in the tongue of. I wrote, I wrote like hell, thousands upon thousands of words; I wrote roughly ten thousand words during an exceptionally busy week, only to be greeted with half that again the next. In short, I was hellishly busy.

Even now in this supposedly quiet period, I am beginning to become busy again; I've taken on a few translation duties at the bequest of an acquaintance, and if possible I'd like to get 5-6 projects done before the semester begins; furthermore, my personal research, particularly into otaku and hikikomori psychology and socio-psychology has expanded into two languages, but alas, I may need to leave that project for a while soon.

As for the social realm, it's been reasonable to be frank; I've had companions during the long and hard semester, but I've also mourned the loss of others. I've caught up with and mended relations with friends of old, and I intend to do the same with friends of the present in the coming weeks. I've been lonely at times, if not downright anti-social during a number of my darker days, but I'm here now, standing strong and ready to tackle my final undergraduate year.

Why did I choose to return? Now, that's the big mystery to me; perhaps I'm just feeling nostalgic and sentimental because of the impending new year? Perhaps in the back of my mind I desire to resolve that which I have left to rot during the year? Perhaps I'm even searching for the comfort of the past whilst another semester approaches? The only thing I'm sure of is that I've returned, not fully resolute, but still resolute enough to describe the details of my absence.

Will I write again? Who knows, I may find the inspiration here and there, but I haven't felt the same need to cleanse myself and mentally refresh myself like I have in past via poetry or prose, nor have I lacked outlets for my socio-political and socio-psychology ravings in the past six months. However, more or less, I'm done with poetry for the time being; at the moment I feel as if it is the product of a younger era, and to a degree foreign to the current era. So, socio-political and socio-psychological analyses and the like MAY show up; I can't guarantee this of course, given my track record since March; likewise a lot of my ranting energy per se has redirected itself into work, and side projects.

Whatever may come, and whatever may result,

SK

...I really wonder if anyone will actually read this, or will this journal become naught but another lump of data on an already unstable pile.